xtoolfreakx's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- finding the truth in all these lies [you crawled away from me, slipped away from me. i tried to keep hold, but there was nothing i could say. you slid and crept away and there was nothing i could say. so what you're trying to say, is you don't wanna play. but what you want and what you need, doesn't mean a fuck to me. i can see your back is turning, if i could i'd stick the knife in. this is my love, this is my love for you. cold silence has a tendency to atrophy any sense of compassion between supposed lovers. you have turned my blood cold and bitter, beat my compassion black and blue. hope this is what you wanted, hope this is what you had in mind, cause this is what you're getting. i hope you're choking. i hope you choke on this. black and blue and broken bones you left me here all alone, my little piggy needed something new. hey pig, nothing's turning out the way i planned. hey pig, there's a lot of things i hoped that you could help me understand. what am i supposed to do i lost my shit because of you. nothing can stop me now, cause i don't care anymore. i feel so numb from all i've become. i'll take you down, i feel so down. i'm water while you drown, you're lifted while i'm down, i'm cancer is your womb, i'm the needle in your spoon. it's not easy to hide all this damage inside. this is my december, this is my snow covered home, this is my december, this is me alone. and i just wish that i didn't feel like there was something i missed, and i take back all the things that i said to make you feel like this. and i'd give it all away, just to have somewhere to go to, give it all away, to have someone to come home to, this is my december. this is me pretending, this is all i need. gonna wait it out.......] last night wasn't as bad as i thought it would be. realizing that i would never have her again... realizing that she never loved me, truely. i started coming up with rhetorical questions like, if she loved me then why did she do this, or why did she do all of this just to break my heart. then i figured that the answers don't matter - nothing could make me understand. heh... i remember her saying that i was her "one", now all i can do is laugh at that, because i believed her. how can someone be 18, going on 40, still be naive? i know her, and i should have seen it coming. perhaps it is my own fault that i felt the way i did, i was so quick to love her again, so quick to feel that way about her again. sigh... i said to myself, 3 days earlier, how lucky i was to have her.. because this time she loved me just as much as i loved her, ha, what a fool i was. it's time to get past this all... i could never forget, but i can just let it go and be. and that is the plan. 12:00 p.m. - 2003-12-19 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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