xtoolfreakx's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- putting some of the pieces back together i start to cry... and then i can't stop. i think about all this shit that she put me through. for what? nothing. i gave her all i had, i thought i did. and she gave me nothing back. she says things to hurt me, she leaves things laying out so that i can see.... the hole in my stomach grows wider, and it's so much more painful now. like she slashed me open, then poured alcohol in the wound to make it burn. i don't deserve this. she says that she is lucky. like she has already moved on. she is lucky - perhaps she doesn't feel the heartbreak that i do. perhaps she is spared that pain and frustration... but i am not. i remember thinking about her, and a smile would come across my face.. and i let her get to me. i let her inside of me... and gave her my heart without questioning her. that is my fault... i shouldn't be so willing to hand something so precious over to someone so careless... she discarded me like she did the rest. she thinks of me as wasted time... why can't i let things go as easily as she can? she is lucky... hopefully, one day, i will realize that she was never good for me - hopefully, one day, i can stop crying. but until that day i guess i'll feel like this. sick and hopeless. maybe i can find someone that takes it all away like she can.... but who will love me back. it was just all too good to be true... i should have seen it coming. things are far from over for me... i still have a long way to go, with... or without her. it is her loss, not mine. but i won't be shallow, i wouldn't be so heartless as to talk about her as she would me, still throwing things in my face (she was always good at that). i hope that she finds herself surrounded by everything that she wants, and her dreams do come true... but even though i was the one that was ran over, and the one with dust in their face - i will come out on top.... sooner or later. where one door closes, another opens. 10:46 p.m. - 2003-12-18 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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