xtoolfreakx's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- i am dead i drove home last night. broken hearted and confused. there was this question of "what next?" i had a horrible headache last night as well - throbbing from my nose up. i was lied to - worse than ever in my life. the person i love lied to me. she knows what she did. i guess she thinks of me as a toy, someone that she can just manipulate and toss around... but she doesn't see how i'm a real person. i guess she doesn't hear the saddness behind my tears and screams. i told her all i ever really wanted from her was honesty - the truth. what does she do? she feeds me lies and expects me to digest it, not anymore.... these lies are coming up in chunks. i can't take it any longer. why does she do this to me?! she loves me?! no! then she wouldn't fucking lie to me! if she loved me, she would tell me the truth! i just feel like all of this... are lies.... how can i deal with this? has these past few weeks of talking to her been lies? is she just fucking around with my head? is she just trying to get rid of me? i want the fucking truth! i deserve it! i give it to her, why can't i get the same in return? i feel like i haven't slept in years. i had a terrible time trying to fall asleep and stay asleep. all i could do was cry. i kept thinking about what i should do. she lied to me, in more ways than one. i know the truth, i know what happened. i want to hear it from her..... from HER. i guess i'm nothing to her... just someone else that she can play games with.... but i thought i was different, i thought i was fucking important to her... [all your mental armor drags me down, nothing hurts like your mouth] - bush 9:39 a.m. - 2003-12-18 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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