xtoolfreakx's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- rwar! things can be so difficult sometimes. like i put myself through most the of the bad emotions that i feel. i don't know. i just get so insecure sometimes - usually when she's upset with me. i turn into the scared and depressed 15 year old that i use to be, hurting myself... making it worse. i should really work on that. it'll be the end of me if i don't. so now i'm back in jonesboro... finally back home and able to sleep in my own bed. i hate the damned day bed that i have to sleep on at my dad's. it's kind of hard to flop around on, and i'm a flopper. i'd get cold and put the blanket up to my ears and i would doze off. then i would get hot and toss the covers off... 30 minutes later i'm having to pull it back up because i'm shivering. i hate that... my new years was okay. i kept thinking about her and what she was doing. if she was having fun or if she was thinking about me the same exact time i was thinking of her.... i'm wierd. then some people came over and chandler and i got beer. this one girl came in unable to walk on her own... some crazy bitch that drank WAY too much vodka. she crawled to my bathroom around 11 something and ended up staying there until 2... 3 hours that she prayed to the proclian god. she kept apologizing for passing out on my bathroom floor. i was just happy that all the puke stayed in one place, lol. she puked from 2003 to 2004. then chandler yakked. that was gross. he was like "blaaaahgg... heather... come here... blaaaahhgg". and i can't handle puke or someone else puking... it just, no.. can't do it, heh. i was sobering up by 6 and still thinking about her... chandler's playing video games in my room... and he has the sound turned all the way up. what a man. they act like they're fucking deaf and can't hear unless the volume is up to 50. they make themselves old way before they're time.... i'm looking forward to the sleep that i will get tonight. oh, i hope for dreams... and just a nice, peaceful sleep... it's something that i've been needing. that and her.. my want for her is so desperate now. it gets frustrating sometimes.. but it's so worth it... oh, it is so worth it. i'm kinda hungry... hmmm... i'm looking forward to school starting back.. the quicker it starts, the quicker it ends. 12:54 a.m. - 2004-01-02 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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