xtoolfreakx's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- long ago i never know what to do anymore. you aren't the only lost one here. i constantly feel like all the fingers are pointed at me, cause i know i could have done something different. but once again, i'm lost. i never know what the next step is. knowing that no matter what i do or say, it will all blow up in my face. i haven't felt like this in a long time. it just reminds me of how things were when i was in high. and i felt like everything my mother was going through was my fault in some way. i know that it wasn't... but its hard to sit there and here someone complain about how something bothers them so bad, and yet you can't think of one single thing to make them feel any better. i just don't want to have to watch another person go through that, but not doing anything to change, and they don't see how it makes every one else miserable around them. i can't believe i'm back here after all this time... typing to no one. but i know that once i'm done, i know i won't feel any better. i'll still be lost, and i still will just sit here with a blank look on my face. just pissing off everyone else. i wish i could think back to when everything was simple and i could remember what i did back then. i know that i'm selfish, and i will never understand some things, but atleast i try to help the other person. i don't think they should be coddled and think that everything will be okay. when it won't, it won't stop until you think differently... otherwise you will just stay miserable. some people just need to shut the fuck up and let other people talk. you know, its not half bad, once you get use to it. i do not have the power to make things all better and i don't know why i think i should. i can't even make myself feel better about anything, why should i try to help someone else. this is not what i was looking forward to. i never know why i felt so highly of myself, because i guess i'm not much help when it comes down to it. i sit ideally by and just watch everyone else fall apart. once my advice was taken seriously, now its just a bullshit reason to hear my own self speak. deer in the head lights, end. of. story. 4:32 p.m. - 2009-05-18 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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