xtoolfreakx's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- -.so.weak.- it seems like the harder i try - the further she gets away from me. i remember contemplating whether or not to go to the game. first off, it was raining... second, jilian would be there. that would be the purpose of me going. but i had to think whether it was a good idea or not. i decided that i didn't give a damn, i wanted to see her, so i went. and the whole time i'm thinking about what i'm going to say to her after halftime - that is, if i find her. and i did. but she managed to get one sentence out before Jernigan came and took her away. and then she never came back. she just kept sitting next to him - with me looking on, wishing that were me. wishing that i could just take her from everyone else. i don't know. i'm just so upset and insecure. i'm so afraid that she'll just tell me to go... to not talk to her. and i really don't know how i would take that. i don't feel like crying anymore - but i can feel it in the back of my throat. i can't help it. what am i supposed to do? someone... something... goddamn it! help me........ i'm so stuck. i'm so much nothing right now. it's just not fucking fair. i was riding around by myself at about 3 this morning. trying to decide whether to go back to jonesboro or stay in newport. i was thinking if i went back jonesboro, i could just purposly smash my car into someone else's and instantly die. and that would have been a plus - considering the way i feel right now. then if i stayed in newport, there was a chance that i could talk to jilian on the phone. so i stayed in newport. there is no telling what today will bring me. 10:18 a.m. - 2003-11-15 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
||||||
|
||||||